A Healthy Sense of Self, a Healthy Sense of Need, and an Openness to Healing Relationships

Having a healthy sense of self, a healthy sense of need, and an openness to healing relationships are all three essentials to a spiritually and emotionally sound client (McMinn, 1996). The three aspects work together feeding and complementing each other when all are healthy. They are interwoven with each being dependent to some degree on the other. Just as all three work harmoniously together in a healthy person, one of the three aspects can adversely affect the other two when it is unhealthy.

A healthy sense of self refers to a knowing and acceptance of oneself, both positive and negative attributes. Clients see themselves as an integral part of Christ’s church with a responsibility to God and others. Instead of freedom and independence, clients value self-sacrifice and the ministering to the needs of others in their lives. Clients become focused on God and move away from self-sufficiency. Self-absorption, self-hate, and lack of self restraint no longer have a hold on clients with a healthy sense of self. Because of this, clients can exhibit more of the fruits of the spirit Paul highlights in Galatians 5.

A healthy sense of need refers to an understanding of brokenness, a separation from God and acknowledgement of one’s sinful nature. This aspect is particularly meaningful and suffers from many risks. By acknowledging that they need God and others, clients are humbled and grounded in Christ-like values. It breaks down walls that can inhibit clients from experiencing God’s glory in them and from growing closer to others. Several risks exist though that can cause a faulty awareness of need. With an external attributional style, clients can become stuck in the victim role. This can show up as bitterness, cynicism, and helplessness, believing that others control their emotions and actions. By understanding that they are part of the human race that God has created and that they were born with original sin due to the Fall, clients can view their brokenness accurately. They see their brokenness as real, requiring God to heal them, but they do not see it as debilitating.

Openness to healing relationships refers to an accurate understanding of one’s relationship with God and others. One of the critical healing relationships involves the client and the counselor. The counselor can model for clients what a healthy Christian should be. Qualities such as trust, empathy, and respect, all necessary for a healthy relationship, can be exhibited in the counseling session. Care needs to be taken that clients do not consider the counselor as their savior or become dependent on the counselor. Likewise, the risk of the counselor-client relationship being exploited needs to be watched. Instead, clients need to be directed, when appropriate, towards God and the healing that He is producing in them. Nouwen (1975), like McMinn, also highlights the importance of healthy boundaries. In this way, clients can avoid unhealthy clinging to others and allow for a healthy space with which to grow closer to God and to others.


McMinn, M.R. (1996). Psychology, theology, and spirituality in Christian counseling. Carol Stream, IL: Tyndale House Publishers.

Nouwen, H. J. M. (1975). Reaching out: The three movements of the spiritual life. New York, N.Y.: Doubleday, Image Books.