In his description of the discipline of secrecy, Ortberg (1997) highlighted that some people are approval addicts, living in the bondage of what others think about them. I am one of these people. I have been aware of this affliction for many years and have tried to shake it, but it remains a thorn in my side.
A couple years ago, I believe the Holy Spirit worked on my affliction. I was playing an Internet game with my brother Jim. In the midst of the game, I realized how important it was for me to shine in front of my brother. I valued Jim’s opinion of me more than anyone on the planet. Why? As I reflected on this over many days, my childhood came back in full color. I am the youngest of four boys and came out on the losing side in nearly all games. My father worked long hours, and my brother Jim had raised me to some degree. This came back to me as I played the internet game against Jim.
I wrote Jim a letter sharing how I had turned him into my surrogate father and now realized how unfair that was to him. I released him of this responsibility and, in some measure, released myself of the shackles of needing approval. Ortberg (1997) aptly titles the chapter on secrecy as “A Life of Freedom.” Yes, it was freedom that I felt in sharing my heart with my brother. Jim called me shortly thereafter and we were able to a wonderful talk about our childhood and our new families.
Ortberg, J. (1997). The life you’ve always wanted: Spiritual disciplines for ordinary people. Grand Rapids, MI.: Zondervan.
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