Wouldn’t it be nice to live life free and not allow others to have power over you? A story I heard is a great illustration of just how to do that.
A couple friends were walking together when one of them stopped at a newspaper stand and asked for the daily paper. The attendant was extremely rude to the man, shoving him the paper and sneering at him as he gave him change. The man tipped his hat to the attendant and told him, “Have a great day!” His friend was appalled and said, “Wow, that guy really treated you poorly!” The man, now with his paper, said, “Yes, he does that every day.” His friend said, “You ought to get a paper from somewhere else.” The man smiled and said, “This is the closest newspaper stand to my house. Why should I let the attendant’s poor outlook on life cause me to walk one foot more to get a paper.”
Wouldn’t you like to have that kind of attitude? Can you think of a time in your life when you’ve burdened yourself just so you didn’t have to deal with someone with a poor outlook on life? Why not start living today free!
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Adler's lifestyle.....Your lifestyle
Alfred Adler coined the term “lifestyle” to mean how a person views himself or herself and how that person views the world. According to Adler, by the time you are six, your lifestyle has been set. For many people, including myself, this means feelings of inadequacy. Just think about it. At six, you’re not very good at anything. For me, with 3 older brothers, I lost at just about every game.
So you carry this “baggage” into your adult life and into your relations. So what’s a person to do? Well, then there’s God. If you take that step of faith and give your life to Christ, the rules change. Rather than assessing yourself based on what you’re able to accomplish or what others think of you, you suddenly know your value.
He loves you. Rom 8:38-39 Nothing shall separate us from the love of God which is Christ Jesus
You are valued. Matt 6:26 Look at the birds of the air…Are you not much more valuable than they?
(Bible verses courtesy of Gary Sinclair).
So what’s your lifestyle? Are you still a people-pleaser? Are you still a perfectionist?
Today’s a perfect day to change. Give yourself completely to Christ and experience the freedom he’s promised.
So you carry this “baggage” into your adult life and into your relations. So what’s a person to do? Well, then there’s God. If you take that step of faith and give your life to Christ, the rules change. Rather than assessing yourself based on what you’re able to accomplish or what others think of you, you suddenly know your value.
He loves you. Rom 8:38-39 Nothing shall separate us from the love of God which is Christ Jesus
You are valued. Matt 6:26 Look at the birds of the air…Are you not much more valuable than they?
(Bible verses courtesy of Gary Sinclair).
So what’s your lifestyle? Are you still a people-pleaser? Are you still a perfectionist?
Today’s a perfect day to change. Give yourself completely to Christ and experience the freedom he’s promised.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Anxiety - Doing Mind Judo On Satan
A few years ago, I found myself becoming anxious each afternoon. It came at a time when I was growing spiritually. After a few weeks of daily anxiety, usually about 1:30pm, I realized that I did not feel close to God those early afternoons. When I was in prayer at other times of the day, close with God, I could not feel anxiety. Putting two and two together, I found that, although I couldn’t prevent anxiety, I could shorten those anxious moments by using anxiety as a personal message from God to be with Him.
As I relayed this to a pastor friend of mine, he smiled and said, you’re doing “mind judo” on Satan. I hadn’t thought of it in that context, but now think “mind judo” whenever I feel anxious. Then I turn to my Father and pray.
As I relayed this to a pastor friend of mine, he smiled and said, you’re doing “mind judo” on Satan. I hadn’t thought of it in that context, but now think “mind judo” whenever I feel anxious. Then I turn to my Father and pray.
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Playing Hide 'n Seek with God the Father
My friend Warren shared a story about God the Father playing hide ‘n seek with us. David Ferguson of Intimate Life ministries shared how God the Father waits for us to awake every day. It is with these two sources, that I share with you a story for all of us who struggle with relating to God the Father. Maybe because of our earthly father. Maybe because of something else….
Imagine, you wake up from a wonderful sleep. As you’re still rolling around in bed, with sleep in your eyes, there’s a tap at the door and it your heavenly Father. You can tell in a second that He adores you. He tells you to come get breakfast and then you two will go play outside. He makes you a wonderful breakfast, laughing with you, making jokes, always with that gleam in His eye for you.
After breakfast, you and He go outside to the yard out front. He says that you two are going to play hide ‘n seek. Before you can utter a word, He has you close your eyes. As you stand still with your eyes closed, all of the fears of the world converge on you. The world feels dark and scary. You feel so lonely, so fragile. As you imagine that you’ll never be able to find your dad, the emotions become too much. You open your eyes and scream out, “Daddy, where are you?”
The yard is large. There is one tiny twig of a tree standing in the middle of it. From your view, you can see the large towering figure of Him standing behind it, extending from both sides of the tree. With all of your energy and tears running down your cheeks, you run to the tree. You look up at your Father and touch his arm. He opens his eyes, looks down at you, and says with delight, “You found me!”
And what a rush of relief, delight, and love you feel.
You have your Father and He has never left you. He wants you to find Him, but you must open your eyes and look. Your Father TRULY delights in you. Believe this.
Imagine, you wake up from a wonderful sleep. As you’re still rolling around in bed, with sleep in your eyes, there’s a tap at the door and it your heavenly Father. You can tell in a second that He adores you. He tells you to come get breakfast and then you two will go play outside. He makes you a wonderful breakfast, laughing with you, making jokes, always with that gleam in His eye for you.
After breakfast, you and He go outside to the yard out front. He says that you two are going to play hide ‘n seek. Before you can utter a word, He has you close your eyes. As you stand still with your eyes closed, all of the fears of the world converge on you. The world feels dark and scary. You feel so lonely, so fragile. As you imagine that you’ll never be able to find your dad, the emotions become too much. You open your eyes and scream out, “Daddy, where are you?”
The yard is large. There is one tiny twig of a tree standing in the middle of it. From your view, you can see the large towering figure of Him standing behind it, extending from both sides of the tree. With all of your energy and tears running down your cheeks, you run to the tree. You look up at your Father and touch his arm. He opens his eyes, looks down at you, and says with delight, “You found me!”
And what a rush of relief, delight, and love you feel.
You have your Father and He has never left you. He wants you to find Him, but you must open your eyes and look. Your Father TRULY delights in you. Believe this.
Saturday, October 30, 2010
2 Words to Stop at the Door
There are 2 words that should be red flags for every Christian: Always and Never. They cause a warped view of the past and are a danger for the present. They are what John Eldridge calls "agreements" with the devil. For instance, "He always is mean to me." Or "I never get to decide where we go." If you hear them from someone else, they are probably agreeing with an Entity that is not Our Father. If you hear them in your own mind, then question it. The thought, in all likelihood, did not come from Above.
The Bible says that we are to capture every thought and view it through a Christian lens (2nd Cor 10:3-5, see below). When you hear Always and Never, be alert and question what you're hearing.
2 Cor 10: 3-5:
3For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. 4The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. 5We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.
The Bible says that we are to capture every thought and view it through a Christian lens (2nd Cor 10:3-5, see below). When you hear Always and Never, be alert and question what you're hearing.
2 Cor 10: 3-5:
3For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. 4The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. 5We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Return of the Blog
After a 9 month hiatus, I am restarting my blog. I am currently in my 8th of 15 classes required for a Counseling Degree at Liberty University. At this rate, I'll wrap up coursework in mid-2012 and then begin my internship and practicum. This Summer I took an intensive on the campus of Liberty, located in Linchburg, Virginia. This area of Virginia is beautiful. While there, I traveled the Blueridge Parkway and visited Monticello, home of Thomas Jefferson.
Denise and I are leading the DivorceCare group at LakeHills church here in Austin. We have both found this group particularly special as they minister to each other during this tough season of their lives. For those not familiar with DivorceCare, you can find out more about it at divorcecare.org
Happy Sunday to you!
Denise and I are leading the DivorceCare group at LakeHills church here in Austin. We have both found this group particularly special as they minister to each other during this tough season of their lives. For those not familiar with DivorceCare, you can find out more about it at divorcecare.org
Happy Sunday to you!
Sunday, January 3, 2010
A Healthy Sense of Self, a Healthy Sense of Need, and an Openness to Healing Relationships
Having a healthy sense of self, a healthy sense of need, and an openness to healing relationships are all three essentials to a spiritually and emotionally sound client (McMinn, 1996). The three aspects work together feeding and complementing each other when all are healthy. They are interwoven with each being dependent to some degree on the other. Just as all three work harmoniously together in a healthy person, one of the three aspects can adversely affect the other two when it is unhealthy.
A healthy sense of self refers to a knowing and acceptance of oneself, both positive and negative attributes. Clients see themselves as an integral part of Christ’s church with a responsibility to God and others. Instead of freedom and independence, clients value self-sacrifice and the ministering to the needs of others in their lives. Clients become focused on God and move away from self-sufficiency. Self-absorption, self-hate, and lack of self restraint no longer have a hold on clients with a healthy sense of self. Because of this, clients can exhibit more of the fruits of the spirit Paul highlights in Galatians 5.
A healthy sense of need refers to an understanding of brokenness, a separation from God and acknowledgement of one’s sinful nature. This aspect is particularly meaningful and suffers from many risks. By acknowledging that they need God and others, clients are humbled and grounded in Christ-like values. It breaks down walls that can inhibit clients from experiencing God’s glory in them and from growing closer to others. Several risks exist though that can cause a faulty awareness of need. With an external attributional style, clients can become stuck in the victim role. This can show up as bitterness, cynicism, and helplessness, believing that others control their emotions and actions. By understanding that they are part of the human race that God has created and that they were born with original sin due to the Fall, clients can view their brokenness accurately. They see their brokenness as real, requiring God to heal them, but they do not see it as debilitating.
Openness to healing relationships refers to an accurate understanding of one’s relationship with God and others. One of the critical healing relationships involves the client and the counselor. The counselor can model for clients what a healthy Christian should be. Qualities such as trust, empathy, and respect, all necessary for a healthy relationship, can be exhibited in the counseling session. Care needs to be taken that clients do not consider the counselor as their savior or become dependent on the counselor. Likewise, the risk of the counselor-client relationship being exploited needs to be watched. Instead, clients need to be directed, when appropriate, towards God and the healing that He is producing in them. Nouwen (1975), like McMinn, also highlights the importance of healthy boundaries. In this way, clients can avoid unhealthy clinging to others and allow for a healthy space with which to grow closer to God and to others.
McMinn, M.R. (1996). Psychology, theology, and spirituality in Christian counseling. Carol Stream, IL: Tyndale House Publishers.
Nouwen, H. J. M. (1975). Reaching out: The three movements of the spiritual life. New York, N.Y.: Doubleday, Image Books.
A healthy sense of self refers to a knowing and acceptance of oneself, both positive and negative attributes. Clients see themselves as an integral part of Christ’s church with a responsibility to God and others. Instead of freedom and independence, clients value self-sacrifice and the ministering to the needs of others in their lives. Clients become focused on God and move away from self-sufficiency. Self-absorption, self-hate, and lack of self restraint no longer have a hold on clients with a healthy sense of self. Because of this, clients can exhibit more of the fruits of the spirit Paul highlights in Galatians 5.
A healthy sense of need refers to an understanding of brokenness, a separation from God and acknowledgement of one’s sinful nature. This aspect is particularly meaningful and suffers from many risks. By acknowledging that they need God and others, clients are humbled and grounded in Christ-like values. It breaks down walls that can inhibit clients from experiencing God’s glory in them and from growing closer to others. Several risks exist though that can cause a faulty awareness of need. With an external attributional style, clients can become stuck in the victim role. This can show up as bitterness, cynicism, and helplessness, believing that others control their emotions and actions. By understanding that they are part of the human race that God has created and that they were born with original sin due to the Fall, clients can view their brokenness accurately. They see their brokenness as real, requiring God to heal them, but they do not see it as debilitating.
Openness to healing relationships refers to an accurate understanding of one’s relationship with God and others. One of the critical healing relationships involves the client and the counselor. The counselor can model for clients what a healthy Christian should be. Qualities such as trust, empathy, and respect, all necessary for a healthy relationship, can be exhibited in the counseling session. Care needs to be taken that clients do not consider the counselor as their savior or become dependent on the counselor. Likewise, the risk of the counselor-client relationship being exploited needs to be watched. Instead, clients need to be directed, when appropriate, towards God and the healing that He is producing in them. Nouwen (1975), like McMinn, also highlights the importance of healthy boundaries. In this way, clients can avoid unhealthy clinging to others and allow for a healthy space with which to grow closer to God and to others.
McMinn, M.R. (1996). Psychology, theology, and spirituality in Christian counseling. Carol Stream, IL: Tyndale House Publishers.
Nouwen, H. J. M. (1975). Reaching out: The three movements of the spiritual life. New York, N.Y.: Doubleday, Image Books.
Summary of McMinn's Psychology, Theology, and Spirituality in Christian counseling
Mark McMinn (1996) advances the belief that Christian counselors need to not only be versed in the latest psychological methods and knowledgeable about theological concepts, but they also need to have a spiritual maturity. With these three disciplines, counselors can feel well prepared in addressing prayer, Scripture, sin, confession, forgiveness, and redemption. McMinn (1996) puts forth a model for healing which starts with a healthy sense of self, moves into brokenness or need, and concludes with a healthy relationship with God and others.
Praying for clients outside of the counseling session or in counseling sessions quietly is strongly urged as it can help and does not put the client at any risk. Open prayer, however, with the client can be both helpful and harmful. On the positive, clients can learn how to pray and can grow closer to God by petitioning in prayer or by worshiping God. On the negative, clients may grow too intimate with the counselor or may not pray by themselves believing the prayers in the counseling sessions suffice. McMinn (1996) emphasizes it is critical for the counselor to have his or her own prayer times to remain strong with the Lord.
Scripture is rarely used in counseling according to McMinn (1996) despite its healing potential. Psychologists help clients find the truth within themselves and to count on themselves to solve their problems. Christian counselors, however, look to God for this and to Scripture for the Truth. Depending on the client’s mental and spiritual well-being, a counselor must determine the appropriate use of Scripture.
With sin, some clients blame themselves for their choices in life while others blame everyone else. By accenting the concept of original sin, those clients who blame themselves can be given hope as all men were born with this. By accenting personal sin, those who blame everyone else can be shown their own part to play and can be redirected towards God.
Confession of their sins can lead clients into a new relationship with God. Some who think poorly of themselves resist confession due to the discomfort it brings while others who think too highly of themselves resist it out of sheer pride. Psychologists use confession to come to a place of comfort while Christian counselors use it so clients can see themselves and God in the right light.
Forgiveness, as with confession, can be used by psychologists to free clients of the pain and memories which have held them back. Christian counselors encourage forgiveness as a Christian duty. God tells us to forgive and so we should. However, true forgiveness comes when Christians are aware of their own inequities and forgive their perpetrators out of kindness and compassion.
Redemption of the client occurs when God cleans the slate of all the client’s sins and provides him or her with a new Christ-centered life. Counselors can play a role in this process by providing comfort to their clients and perspective on their clients’ lives. God ultimately provides the redemption.
McMinn, M.R. (1996). Psychology, theology, and spirituality in Christian counseling. Carol Stream, IL: Tyndale House Publishers.
Praying for clients outside of the counseling session or in counseling sessions quietly is strongly urged as it can help and does not put the client at any risk. Open prayer, however, with the client can be both helpful and harmful. On the positive, clients can learn how to pray and can grow closer to God by petitioning in prayer or by worshiping God. On the negative, clients may grow too intimate with the counselor or may not pray by themselves believing the prayers in the counseling sessions suffice. McMinn (1996) emphasizes it is critical for the counselor to have his or her own prayer times to remain strong with the Lord.
Scripture is rarely used in counseling according to McMinn (1996) despite its healing potential. Psychologists help clients find the truth within themselves and to count on themselves to solve their problems. Christian counselors, however, look to God for this and to Scripture for the Truth. Depending on the client’s mental and spiritual well-being, a counselor must determine the appropriate use of Scripture.
With sin, some clients blame themselves for their choices in life while others blame everyone else. By accenting the concept of original sin, those clients who blame themselves can be given hope as all men were born with this. By accenting personal sin, those who blame everyone else can be shown their own part to play and can be redirected towards God.
Confession of their sins can lead clients into a new relationship with God. Some who think poorly of themselves resist confession due to the discomfort it brings while others who think too highly of themselves resist it out of sheer pride. Psychologists use confession to come to a place of comfort while Christian counselors use it so clients can see themselves and God in the right light.
Forgiveness, as with confession, can be used by psychologists to free clients of the pain and memories which have held them back. Christian counselors encourage forgiveness as a Christian duty. God tells us to forgive and so we should. However, true forgiveness comes when Christians are aware of their own inequities and forgive their perpetrators out of kindness and compassion.
Redemption of the client occurs when God cleans the slate of all the client’s sins and provides him or her with a new Christ-centered life. Counselors can play a role in this process by providing comfort to their clients and perspective on their clients’ lives. God ultimately provides the redemption.
McMinn, M.R. (1996). Psychology, theology, and spirituality in Christian counseling. Carol Stream, IL: Tyndale House Publishers.
A Letter to My Brother
In his description of the discipline of secrecy, Ortberg (1997) highlighted that some people are approval addicts, living in the bondage of what others think about them. I am one of these people. I have been aware of this affliction for many years and have tried to shake it, but it remains a thorn in my side.
A couple years ago, I believe the Holy Spirit worked on my affliction. I was playing an Internet game with my brother Jim. In the midst of the game, I realized how important it was for me to shine in front of my brother. I valued Jim’s opinion of me more than anyone on the planet. Why? As I reflected on this over many days, my childhood came back in full color. I am the youngest of four boys and came out on the losing side in nearly all games. My father worked long hours, and my brother Jim had raised me to some degree. This came back to me as I played the internet game against Jim.
I wrote Jim a letter sharing how I had turned him into my surrogate father and now realized how unfair that was to him. I released him of this responsibility and, in some measure, released myself of the shackles of needing approval. Ortberg (1997) aptly titles the chapter on secrecy as “A Life of Freedom.” Yes, it was freedom that I felt in sharing my heart with my brother. Jim called me shortly thereafter and we were able to a wonderful talk about our childhood and our new families.
Ortberg, J. (1997). The life you’ve always wanted: Spiritual disciplines for ordinary people. Grand Rapids, MI.: Zondervan.
A couple years ago, I believe the Holy Spirit worked on my affliction. I was playing an Internet game with my brother Jim. In the midst of the game, I realized how important it was for me to shine in front of my brother. I valued Jim’s opinion of me more than anyone on the planet. Why? As I reflected on this over many days, my childhood came back in full color. I am the youngest of four boys and came out on the losing side in nearly all games. My father worked long hours, and my brother Jim had raised me to some degree. This came back to me as I played the internet game against Jim.
I wrote Jim a letter sharing how I had turned him into my surrogate father and now realized how unfair that was to him. I released him of this responsibility and, in some measure, released myself of the shackles of needing approval. Ortberg (1997) aptly titles the chapter on secrecy as “A Life of Freedom.” Yes, it was freedom that I felt in sharing my heart with my brother. Jim called me shortly thereafter and we were able to a wonderful talk about our childhood and our new families.
Ortberg, J. (1997). The life you’ve always wanted: Spiritual disciplines for ordinary people. Grand Rapids, MI.: Zondervan.
Summary of The Life You've Always Wanted by John Ortberg
In this book, John Ortberg (1997) outlines a series of practices designed to advance the spiritual growth of the reader. Taking the rallying cry of the Morphin Power Rangers, he uses the statement “It’s morphing time” (Ortberg, 1997, p. 21) to signify a call for humans to evolve into spiritually disciplined, Christ-like creatures.
The first spiritual discipline highlighted is that of celebration. Too often the reality of the world clouds the reality of the life we have been given. Ortberg (1997) challenges the readers to experience “Dee Dah Days” in their lives, after the song his daughter would sing as she danced with joy. He advises the importance of counting blessings and treating joy as a serious essential in life.
Next, Ortberg (1997) identifies “Slowing”, or removing hurry, as an essential discipline. To master this discipline, people should look for opportunities where they are forced to wait. For instance, in the grocery, pick the checkout line with the most people. In addition, practicing solitude allows for the noise of the world to dissipate and for the calm of the Lord to enter the heart.
Prayer is the next discipline discussed. Ortberg (1997) makes the case that prayer does affect the world and is an essential part of a Christian’s daily life. To develop this discipline, it is best to reserve the same time each day and to start small, with five minute durations, and gradually extend the time. In this way, people can make this a lifelong practice.
Servanthood is the next spiritual discipline and is primarily centered on becoming less so that others can become more. To master this discipline, people should do the mundane without looking for thanks, be alert for those interruptions of their daily routines where they can minister to others, and be in the moment with others rather than focusing the conversation on themselves.
With the discipline of confession, one first examines the sins and reasons why they occurred. The confessor then empathizes with those who were injured and promises not to repeat the sin in any way. Finally, the confessor experiences the grace of God knowing that he or she is forgiven.
The practice of secrecy involves doing things for others and growing closer to God without trumpeting these feats to others. Just as a husband and wife have secrets they share only between the two of them, so too should Christians do good deeds or have experiences with God that are known to only God and them. This especially strengthens Christians who are addicted to the approval of others.
Lastly, reflection on Scripture is essential in becoming cleansed from the worldly and immersed in the righteous ways of God. Ortberg (1997) cautions readers not to read too quickly through Scripture, but to meditate on short passages or phrases in letting God speak to them through His Word.
Ortberg (1997) closes by encouraging readers to have the heart of Jesus in all that they do and to persevere through all trials, small and large.
Ortberg, J. (1997). The life you’ve always wanted: Spiritual disciplines for ordinary people. Grand Rapids, MI.: Zondervan.
The first spiritual discipline highlighted is that of celebration. Too often the reality of the world clouds the reality of the life we have been given. Ortberg (1997) challenges the readers to experience “Dee Dah Days” in their lives, after the song his daughter would sing as she danced with joy. He advises the importance of counting blessings and treating joy as a serious essential in life.
Next, Ortberg (1997) identifies “Slowing”, or removing hurry, as an essential discipline. To master this discipline, people should look for opportunities where they are forced to wait. For instance, in the grocery, pick the checkout line with the most people. In addition, practicing solitude allows for the noise of the world to dissipate and for the calm of the Lord to enter the heart.
Prayer is the next discipline discussed. Ortberg (1997) makes the case that prayer does affect the world and is an essential part of a Christian’s daily life. To develop this discipline, it is best to reserve the same time each day and to start small, with five minute durations, and gradually extend the time. In this way, people can make this a lifelong practice.
Servanthood is the next spiritual discipline and is primarily centered on becoming less so that others can become more. To master this discipline, people should do the mundane without looking for thanks, be alert for those interruptions of their daily routines where they can minister to others, and be in the moment with others rather than focusing the conversation on themselves.
With the discipline of confession, one first examines the sins and reasons why they occurred. The confessor then empathizes with those who were injured and promises not to repeat the sin in any way. Finally, the confessor experiences the grace of God knowing that he or she is forgiven.
The practice of secrecy involves doing things for others and growing closer to God without trumpeting these feats to others. Just as a husband and wife have secrets they share only between the two of them, so too should Christians do good deeds or have experiences with God that are known to only God and them. This especially strengthens Christians who are addicted to the approval of others.
Lastly, reflection on Scripture is essential in becoming cleansed from the worldly and immersed in the righteous ways of God. Ortberg (1997) cautions readers not to read too quickly through Scripture, but to meditate on short passages or phrases in letting God speak to them through His Word.
Ortberg (1997) closes by encouraging readers to have the heart of Jesus in all that they do and to persevere through all trials, small and large.
Ortberg, J. (1997). The life you’ve always wanted: Spiritual disciplines for ordinary people. Grand Rapids, MI.: Zondervan.
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