Suggestions for a Parent with ADD to Reduce the Child’s ADD Tendencies

This is a section of a paper written for my lifespan development counseling class on ADD.

There are a number of actions a parent with ADD can take to reduce the child’s ADD tendencies. Parenting and non-parenting skills both can be modified to positively influence the child. Parents with ADD have some distinct disadvantages from other parents due to their disorder. The inability to focus on details and on family life can negatively influence the child’s ADD tendencies by creating stress and ignorance. The inability to handle crises in the moment they occur can magnify stress. On the positive side, parents with ADD have experienced what their children are experiencing and has safely navigated the tumultuous waters of adolescence to adulthood.

Defend the Weakness – Stress Reduction
Stress is more likely to occur with families with ADD (Brown & Pacini, 1989). To counter this, parents with ADD should employ stress reducing techniques in the family environment. These include organization, time management, value system, serial operations, and self-care.

With organization, family life and personal life becomes less stressed. Organization reduces the number of surprising events and mini-crises that occur. Early morning school days are often a stress situation as multiple people are hurrying about in a home to get ready and catch the bus or carpool. The situation where a child who announces minutes before needing to be on the bus that there are no clean clothes to wear instantly creates stress in the child, the parents, and the other siblings. By being organized and prepared for the day, parents alleviate their children of unneeded stress in their lives.

With time management, there is sufficient margin for handling unexpected surprises. Again, taking the early morning school day as an example, parents who build no buffer into their morning ritual are destined to experience surprises and elevated stress. The child who rushed through breakfast and dressed quickly for school but cannot find his or her shoes will certainly be stressed. But if this awareness occurs 30 minutes before the child needs to be on the bus, the stress level remains relatively low compared to a last minute awakening. By building in time for unexpected surprises, such as the shoe search, parents reduce stress in their children’s lives.

With the proper value system, parents teach their children what matters most and what is little to no worry. Children with ADHD will not likely be the children who have all of their pencils sharpened to the satisfaction of their teachers. They tend to draw outside the lines. They most likely will not receive the ribbon for best conduct. So it is paramount to these children that their parents put proper perspective on their children’s lives. Parents need to show their children that they are valued no matter what. For parents that have a faith-based value system, this is a particularly important role to play with the children. By grounding children with proper perspective on life, parents take everyday stress off their children’s shoulders.
With serial operations, parents focus on one particular activity at a time rather than multi-tasking. Once again, taking the morning school routine as an example, parents often are required to perform many tasks in a very short period of time. Making breakfast, making lunches, and dressing children all need to happen on time. Parents with ADD who in the midst of making breakfast undertake making lunches are setting themselves up for failure. Parents with ADD will often multi-task despite having sufficient time as their ADD tendencies take over. As tasks get interrupted, the parents’ stress levels increase influencing the children’s stress levels as well. By taking actions serially, parents simplify life and reduce stress.
Living with ADD and with children is a recipe for a stressful life. It is important that parents take time to care for themselves. This self-care is essential in many facets of life: mental, physical, and spiritual. Relaxing techniques such as yoga, meditation, or simply a warm bath re-energize parents’ spirits. Staying fit through proper nutrition and exercise provides energy for the parents to handle day-to-day activities. An active spiritual life involving church functions or simply quiet time in prayer can refresh the parents’ soul allowing them to handle day-to-day life experiences. By taking proper care of themselves, parents are more resilient in the face of stressful situations and subsequently reduce the stress of their children.
Press the Advantages – Empathy and Role Modeling

Although parents with ADD are at a disadvantage when it comes to stress, they have a strong advantage in terms of empathy. Empathy is defined by Merriam-Webster (2009) as “the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another.” Although all parents of children with ADD can love and care for their children, parents with ADD can truly say that they have experienced what the children with ADD have experienced. Rather than surmising what their children might be feeling, parents with ADD are able to live in their children’s minds “vicariously” as Merriam-Webster (2009) puts it. Children need to known, to be understood. They need that sense of intimacy (Grusec, Goodnow, and Kuczynski, 2000).

The added advantage that parents with ADD have is that they are truly their childrens’ role models. Not only can parents with ADD walk beside their children in their experiences, but they also can act as respected guides taking their children through the turbulent times of adolescence. The children know that their parents have taken a similar path of life with the same disadvantages they are experiencing. Yet, the children have the potential to see the parents succeeding at all facets of life. Through the gift of empathy, parents with ADD can teach their children to worry less, to love more and to value themselves completely.

Feel free to respond to this with your thoughts. If you would like the complete paper, approximately 15 pages, send me a note.